Personal Growth
If you really want to reinvent your life you have to bury your old one. Dig a hole and throw in everything that you disliked about your current state of being and be willing to start over. In other words, reinvent. Make the assumption that Everybody else’s perception about your abilities is wrong. I am especially referring to the people who have told you, to your face, that you couldn’t do something you wanted to do.
Have you ever heard those words and then vowed to prove them wrong? Great! I used to hear those words all the time.
When I was working as an unhappy pet shop manager, I told people I wanted to become a comedian and talk show host; just like Johnny Carson. Everyone thought I was absolutely insane. They said I had NO chance. Said I wasn’t funny enough. Said it was impossible to get noticed. Said I didn’t have any “connections.” Said I should be happy scooping pet poop for a living. Each one of them was dead wrong about me. The same goes for you. Nobody knows what You are capable of; except You.
And I’m even talking about the people who insist they know and love you! Your parents, your relatives, your siblings, your friends, and your work mates (especially your boss) all love to give you advice about your school choices, your career, your friends, your lovers, the kinds of food you eat, your taste in clothing, the furniture you buy, the medicine you take, the music you like, the pets you own, the hobbies you choose, the alcohol you guzzle, the secret vices you don’t think they know…and the list only gets longer, right? Why do they do this? Because they all think of themselves as “experts” who have “been through it before” and know what’s good for YOU. Sound familiar?
What about the “published experts” who worm they’re way into your psyche? The talk show guests and leaders of your industry who sell you books and cite their case studies to back up their claims. They have “proof” that they know how you can do your job better, make more money, be a better salesperson, a stronger leader, a better parent, and ultimately, how to achieve bliss and eternal happiness.
They’re wrong about you, too!
Have you ever read their books and followed their hallowed advice even though it didn’t feel right to you? That’s because, down deep, you didn’t believe it and I’ll bet you lost interest or got busy with your life. We usually don’t lose interest in things that feel right to us. In fact, we usually can’t get enough of it.
Again, you were right and they were wrong.
You are the one who has to live with your decisions, not the experts. You are the one who suffers the consequences and enjoys the victories. This book will succeed if you eventually put it away and trust your own instincts. Rely on your own gut feelings. Listen to your own inner guide. As a religious person I think the gnawing in your stomach is probably God nudging you. Even the non-religious folks must admit that “to thine own self be true” is a pretty cool credo.
Oh, you’ll make mistakes. You’ll make plenty of errors in judgement. That’s perfectly human. But in doing so, you will have practiced EXTREME responsibility. You proved you could be accountable to yourself. You reconciled, with yourself, to live with your decision before you made it. That is being right-minded.
And, that is never wrong.
So as you are reading, challenge the old conventions. Challenge the experts and their “proven formulas.” Most importantly, challenge yourself to trust yourself. It’s much easier (and faster) to make decisions when the first person you ask for advice is…You.
So here we go. The first thing you need to know is this…
YOU JUST DIDN’T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TO LOOK FOR IT.
A friend of mine said, “Ross, that’s a funny chapter title for your book but what does it mean?”
Well, for the uninitiated, it’s a goof on Spencer Johnson’s worldwide best seller, "Who Moved My Cheese?" There is even a popular animated training movie of the same name. The video tells the story of two cute little mice who have been eating cheese from the same stockpile, for years. Then, one day they wake up and their cheese is gone.
What a sneaky approach! Spencer’s book isn’t about mice, at all. It’s about YOU and how well you adapt to change. See, these mice are fat and happy until they wake up to discover their cheese is missing. The point of the film is this. If the mice don’t venture off and look for new cheese (adapt to change), they will surely starve to death.
This is supposed to be very bad. But, bad for who? You? Or the organization that wants you to change? If your gut tells you following the new cheese trail isn’t right, you don’t have to adapt. You can do what you do with a different company or strike out on our own.
I know plenty of “mice” who don’t want to look for new cheese. In fact, they think looking for new cheese might just be a "mouse trap." (You have no idea how long I’ve waited to turn that phrase.)
You all know the pop singer, Sting. His former manager, Miles Copeland (brother to The Police’s Stuart Copeland), is a very successful music producer. Miles told me that his friend and client Pat McDonald (who wrote the song, "The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades") has been offered more than 4 million dollars to sell that song for use in TV commercials. But Pat won’t take the money. Patrick is not a rich man, and could probably use the money, but he flatly refuses to sell out his art for a buck - not even for 4 million of them. He likes his cheese right where it is. Cheese, in this case, equals Pat’s integrity.
My friend, Mike Neun, is also a great example of a guy who wasn’t seduced by the prospect of lucrative new cheese.
Mike is one of the funniest, most prolific, low-key comedians I know. Mike says, "My friends want me to go deer hunting but I don’t like hunting. Oh, I love the killing. It’s the camaraderie and walking around in the woods that I hate." He’s appeared on several network television shows and was offered a starring role in his own TV show. All Mike had to do was wear a tuxedo and trade barbs with the 24-piece orchestra leader every night.
Mike tried but found out his stomach wouldn’t allow it.
He hates tuxedos and phony banter. He couldn’t even fake it. It just wasn’t in him. The cheese brokers had moved a huge pile of cheese too far from his comfort zone. So, he bailed and has lived happily ever after on a beautiful teak sailboat named Watauga. Mike claims Watauga is the Indian word for, "varnish all summer."
If you get a chance, rent the movie, “Life as a House” starring Kevin Kline. You won’t allow anyone to move your cheese, ever again.
Kevin plays a respected architect who builds exquisite wooden scale models of his designs. He takes amazing pride in his detailed work. However, his company wants him to stop making models and learn the CAD computer assisted drawing program, instead. Kevin won’t compromise and quits to build his dream home, instead. The home becomes a wonderful metaphor for his life.
I’ve had my own cheese moved a few times. I had a great job with an advertising agency. Big money. Prestige. One day, the boss announced he wanted to give me an even bigger raise. All I would have to do was to start "double billing" the clients for advertising. Some of them would catch the mistakes and squawk. Others wouldn’t pay attention and just pay the bill. In either case, according to my boss, we could always blame the accounting department for the errors. My stomach ached. I couldn’t sleep. Ultimately, I couldn’t go through with it. My boss moved the cheese and I had to quit in order to find less sickening cheese, elsewhere.
We don’t ALL have to robotically follow the moved cheese just because they say change is good.
As long as you live, you are worth more than WHAT you do. It is WHO you are that has the lasting value. If WHO you are can’t live with the change, then you have to have the courage of your convictions to stay true to yourself. If you are kind, conscientious, and skilled, you will easily find your own cheese; well within reach of your true character and hard fought integrity.
Is what you want really over “there?” Or, do you feel obligated (yet uncomfortable) to follow the pack to the new pile of cheese? If so, why are you resisting the change? Does the change go against your principals? Against your core values? Against your high standards? Are you satisfied with your current career status and don’t want to compromise? Then, don’t. Make yourself happy somewhere else. If you are worried about regret, don’t let that worry paralyze you from what your gut tells you is right. You will only feel unsure for a short time. Soon you will settle into knowing that you made the right decision.